Midnight Buzz

lol lol lol

Actually there is nothing funny about my life right now. It's a disaster actually. Everything is going downhill from here.

Life is like a pendulum. There are always high's and low's. You have to work hard to push yourself to the top. When you stop pushing - giving up, it means it's in the low. With a little force, you can push yourself up again. I think only like that, experiencing the bad's and the good's, you would appreciate life and what it has to offer.

Albert Einstein said: "Life is like riding a bike, to keep your balance, you must keep moving." Just like the pendulum, in order to keep it swinging and with the possibility to swing to the top, you must keep pushing yourself. Don't push yourself too hard either, because you might push it off the top and swing with great momentum to the lowest and becomes a disaster. But if you can overlook it and stand up after falling down, you can actually utilize that momentum, and push yourself to a greater height.

And when it stops, oh my, it will take a lot of force and momentum to make it move. And some people don't have that support or don't realize they have that support. For me, I don't know. I'm lost. Do I even have the supports? I think I do, but I chose to push all those away. I keep to myself. I keep telling myself that I can do it, I can do it ALL. Alone. I asked myself many many times if I have given up, if I still have the strength and motivation to keep moving, to keep pushing myself. "What can I do to make it up for you? I know life is not easy..." It's a lyric from some song I don't recall. I am random like that.

I don't know what to do with myself in life. I am hating this. oh my god, what can I do? what should I do? I know what I should do, I must graduate, get a job, get married, have kids, support my family, make other people happy, and get old, get free, and.... that's as far as my vision goes. the after that is blurry, but it's still too early, I'm still too young to think about that. So what? I'm helpless, I'm hopeless. I admit I have thought about ending my life, multiple times. Luckily, I have never attempted it. I said lucky because I know I would succeed, unlike many that fail, unless there is some supernatural force stopping me, or a miracle happens. So ironic, isn't it. The one thing that I can succeed at is the thing that's gonna end all. But I didn't do it, because I have so many strings attached to me, so much responsibilities. The pitfall of having a rational mind. hahaha I also hear from people that life is too precious to end it. Probably it's because I haven't seen the preciousness in it yet. They can't explain non-spiritually why human are here. Is it because it IS spiritually related? I don't want to, I refuse to believe the Christianity point of view on life and our species existence. I am not here because a god above creates and pushes me away from him and wants me to accept Jesus Christ's sacrifice and returns to him, no, no, no. I sound like a whiny person, don't I? Why are we here? Why do we must live on and care for the next generation? Why do a person must do all they can to bring food back to the family? Why can a person experience a happy, worry-free life without money? Why does our life revolve around wealth, and power? Why can we keep control of our own life and faith?

I heard a story once, about a man wandering in the desert, he found a snake guarding a level which when pulled, it will end humanity all together. The snake was waiting for him, the right person to give that right. He didn't. Well, I would. What is wrong with that? All human disappears from Earth, end all the suffering and worry that one has. If there is a god, he won't care right? Because we all sin anyway. haha. Perfect. World War III, I am waiting.

Will there be an afterlife? Who knows?

Life is like a pendulum...

First blog ever!!!

Now, I will give this blogpost a try. Since I used to blogging in Yahoo!360 before it shut down in July, so this wouldn't be too bad. I will post more often and more random! Beware, readers, if any out there, I'm random. I will start with a topic, and the feeling will let me to the ending place. :D